It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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