Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
