I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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