Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I need to align my fucking chakras
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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