so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We need a shit load of segways right now
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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