Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
