I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
