i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
