you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
