whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
