That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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