Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
