Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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