hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
