Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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