You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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