Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Did you pee in the oven last night??
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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