If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
