Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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