I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
