And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
