my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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