So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
