i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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