Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm eating all of the evidence.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
