I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize