just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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