I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
