my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
