dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
