I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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