Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Girls should come with a carfax report
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
