You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
