God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i've created a new STD.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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