i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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