therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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