bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Success! We fucked roommates!
FUCK WHALES
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
