You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
They are going to name an STD after you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
