Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
