He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
