So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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