JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
