Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
