And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
