Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
