Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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