Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
