Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
