She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
