New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
