I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
