you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
