Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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