Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
