The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
