thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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