he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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