YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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