I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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