shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He kissed a someone with a penis
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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