This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
