DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
