Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize