Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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