when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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