Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Boobs speak an international language.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
