I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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