as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
