I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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