I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize