In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
