i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
