Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
