I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think I just sharted jello shots
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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