just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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