Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
