I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
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Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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