Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
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he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
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I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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