I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
