i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
