My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I want her autograph on my taint
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
